just tell him i said nine months
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
