she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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