There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
