Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
NoShamevember. You game?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Randomize
