Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
