so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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