Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I had to cum in my sink.
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