bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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