someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
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