That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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