Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
