Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
