you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
