Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
