even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
