I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
