By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
