just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
