I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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