I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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