Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
