What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
