"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
