I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
