how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Randomize
