I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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