I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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