the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
