My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
