Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
