When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
