shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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