obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
