This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
