Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
