strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
