I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
