I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
