Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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