What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
