Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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