u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
