For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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