So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
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