her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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