i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
