And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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