No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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