one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
