im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
