You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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